1. |
Your Humble Narrator
08:17
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I WANT TO QUALIFY, QUANTIFY, AND DISSECT A GUT FEELING
I WANT TO STRANGLE THE INTANGIBLE WITH INSURMOUNTABLE LOGIC AND MEANING
I CAN ARGUE AND I CAN REASON UNTIL THE SUNSET GROWS COLD
BUT I WANT TO SHAPE AND MOULD THE INNATE THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL
I WANT TO QUALIFY, QUANTIFY, AND DISSECT A GUT FEELING
EVERYTHING THAT’S BASE CAN BE DEBASED BY HUMAN HAND
THE WAY A CIRCUIT BOARD IS COMPROMISED BY A TINY GRAIN OF SAND
AND WHEN I’VE FOUND THE PERFECT PIECE TO DISRUPT AND CORRUPT YOUR WIRING
I’LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO WRITE SOMETHING WHICH IS WORTHY OF YOUR ATTENTION
I’LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO WRITE SOMETHING WHICH ALTERS YOUR PERCEPTION
I’LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO WRITE SOMETHING WHICH TEACHES YOU A LESSON
THE HIDDEN NEXUS IN YOUR SOLAR PLEXUS WILL BE EATEN BY MY WILL AND WHIM FOR DINNER AND FOR BREAKFAST
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2. |
Pete's Vile Colleague
02:42
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A SEA
OF GUFFAWING
33-40 SOMETHINGS IN NON-IRON SHIRTS
A MOTTLED CARPET OF SALMON PINK AND BABY BLUE
BLAZERS DRAPED OVER TABLES
TIES REMOVED
SUBTLE SMIRKS AT WAITER’S TATTOOS
BLINDING SUN
LIQUID LUNCH
£6.50 PINTS OF HEINEKEN
VILE
PETE TURNS THE OTHER CHEEK TO THE MOCKERY OF COLLEAGUES
AND NURSES HIS CRANBERRY JUICE
THINK OF YOUR HEALTH
HE TELLS HIMSELF
LOSE SOME WEIGHT
COLOUR IN THOSE GREYS
HE COULDN’T WAIT TO SEE JANINE’S FACE
WHEN HE DROPPED OFF THE KIDS ON SUNDAY
FRESH FROM THE TANNING BOOTHS
WITH NEWS HE’D QUIT THE BOOZE
LITTLE DID HE KNOW
BUT JANINE’S NEW BEAU WAS STOOD BEHIND HIM IN THE BAR QUEUE
HE LOOKED AT PETE
CHUCKLED INWARDLY
AND CALLED JANINE TO ARRANGE THIS EVENING’S RENDEZVOUS
VILE
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3. |
Family Visits Relative
04:56
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VISITING TIME IS FROM 9 UNTIL NOON
3 HOURS TO SIT AND RESIST THE URGE
TO WAGGLE HIS TUBES
3 HOURS COUNTING
THE PATTERN REPETITIONS ON THE IN-PATIENT GOWNS
3 HOURS PLASTERING
WEAK SMILES OVER DEEPLY CUT FROWNS
3 HOURS TO FRET AND FIT AND SQUIRM AND TWIST AND REQUEST THEY REPOSITION HIM
BECAUSE HE LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE
3 HOURS TRYING NOT TO LOOK UNCOMFORTABLE
3 HOURS OF ENDLESS CHIT CHAT WITH A PARADE OF DISTANT RELATIVES
WE ENEMIES OF SOLEMNITY
RENOUNCE ALL BREVITY
AND INSTEAD PROCEED TO UNLEASH A STREAM OF DISPOSABLE, PERFUNCTORY JUNK FOOD WORDS
PRINCIPALLY CONCERNING THE PARKING SITUATION
THE SMALLEST OF CONVERSATION NEXT TO BLEEPING RESPIRATORS
IF HE CAN HEAR ALL THIS THEN THERE’S NO DOUBT THAT HE MUST HATE US BY NOW
BUT HOW
ELSE
ARE WE
SUPPOSED
TO PRETEND
THAT NONE OF THIS
IS REALLY HAPPENING?
HE INTERRUPTS OUR BABBLING
ISSUES SOME MORIBUND MUMBLING
SEMI-CONSCIOUS FUMBLING
SQUEEZES A HAND TRIUMPHANTLY
WE STROKE HIS HAIR
AND SPEND THE NEXT 2 HOURS HOPING
THIS WON’T BE
THE LAST HOUR WE EVER SHARE
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4. |
Mr Henderson Coughs
03:14
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MR HENDERSON WAS REGARDED AS AFFABLE AND GENEROUS
BUT SINCE HIS CANCER DIAGNOSIS HE’D BECOME IRRITABLE AND CANTANKEROUS
HIS STUDENTS AT THE COMPREHENSIVE HAD STARTED TO TAKE NOTICE
AND NICKNAMES BEGAN TO SPREAD LIKE SPIDERWEBS OF WHISPERS
SENT AS VOICE MESSAGES
ON CONTRABAND DEVICES
ALONGSIDE IMAGES OF DICTATORS WITH MR HENDERSON’S FACE PASTED CRUDELY ON TOP
THE CROWDED CORRIDORS SOFTLY SNIGGERED AND MOCKED
AS HE SPLUTTERED AND COUGHED HIS WAY THROUGH EACH LESSON
UNTIL THIS SOON TOO BECAME A TRAIT RIPE FOR PARODY AND IMPERSONATION
MR HENDERSON’S COUGHS ECHOED IN THE THROATS OF THE CALLOUS YOUNG
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BEING WHEN THEY COUGHED THEIR HANDKERCHIEFS WEREN’T STAINED WITH BLOOD
HE’D HAD ENOUGH
HIS FUSE SHORTENED
TETHER LESSENED
AND CONSTRICTED INTO A COILED SPRING
WHICH BEGAN TO BUBBLE AND BOIL
AND PUT THE FEAR OF GOD INTO HIM
IT WAS THE DAY BEFORE HIS CHEMOTHERAPY WAS DUE TO BEGIN
ON A RAINY TUESDAY
OPPRESSIVE AND GREY
HIS FINAL CLASS OF THE AFTERNOON HAD JUST STARTED
HE CALLED OUT THE FIRST NAME ON THE REGISTER
THE REPLY CAME
– A HACKING MOCK COUGH
MR HENDERSON LOST IT
MR HENDERSON SNAPPED
MR HENDERSON LEAPT FORWARD
AND INDISCRIMINATELY ATTACKED
THE STUDENTS SPRANG FROM THEIR SEATS IN A STATE OF DISBELIEF AND SCATTERED AND RAN
SOME TRIED TO FIGHT BACK
BUT IT WAS NO USE
NEEDLESS TO SAY, HE MISSED HIS APPOINTMENT THE NEXT DAY
AND THEN DECLINED TO REARRANGE IT TO A MORE CONVENIENT DATE
HE HOPED THIS WOULD ACT AS PENANCE FOR THE WAY THAT HE’D BEHAVED
HE HOPE THAT THIS DECISION TO SELF-FLAGELLATE
WOULD HELP HIM ON HIS WAY FROM EARLY GRAVE TO PEARLY GATES
HE HOPED THE UNIVERSE HAD SOME KIND OF DIVINE ORDER AND SHAPE
BUT WHO KNOWS?
WHO CAN SAY?
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5. |
Michael's Daily Commute
03:07
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MICHAEL HAS JUST TURNED 21 AND HE’S DREADING GETTING ON THE BUS
HIS BODY FEELS LIKE ONE BIG EXPOSED NERVE
HE IS OBSERVANT SO HE FEELS LIKE HE’S BEING OBSERVED
AND HE KNOWS IT’S ABSURD
HE THOUGHT BY NOW HE WOULD HAVE GROWN UP
AND GROWN OUT OF THIS
YET HE PERSISTS
TO BITE HIS LIP
AND FOCUS HIS ATTENTION ON THE MIDDLE DISTANCE
MICHAEL HOPES WHEN HE’S OLD AND GREY
HE’LL FINALLY FEEL LESS AFRAID
WHEN FACED WITH TASKS WHICH
MOST TAKE FOR GRANTED
MICHAEL HOPES HE’LL FEEL LESS AFRAID
WHEN HE’S OLD AND GREY
MICHAEL HAS JUST TURNED 32 AND HE’S STILL DREADING HIS COMMUTE
HE CONCERTINAS AND CONTORTS HIS LIMBS ONTO THE TUBE
HE TRIES HIS BEST TO BE COURTEOUS, NOT CAUSE OFFENCE, OR COME ACROSS AS RUDE
YET HE CAN SHAKE
THE FEELING THAT HE’S TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE
SO HE SETS HIS GAZE
ON THE MIDDLE DISTANCE
AND TRIES HIS BEST NOT TO LISTEN TO THE SNIGGERS AND THE WHISPERS
MICHAEL IS WAITING FOR THE DAY
WHEN ALL HIS FEARS WILL MELT AWAY
THEN HE CAN START LIVING
FREE OF THESE MISGIVINGS
MICHAEL HOPES HE’LL FEEL LESS AFRAID
WHEN HE’S OLD AND GREY
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6. |
Charlie Goes Skiing
04:59
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CHARLIE SAW AN ADVERT FOR SOME BEER
THEN HE WENT AND BOUGHT SOME BEER
CHARLIE SAW AN ADVERT FOR A SKIING HOLIDAY
AND THEN HE WENT ON HOLIDAY SKIING
HE DIDN’T REALLY LIKE THE WAY IT TASTED
AND HE ENDED UP SPENDING ALL OF HIS SAVINGS
BUT THAT WAS BESIDE THE POINT
SEE, CHARLIE USED TO PRAY FOR SO MANY THINGS
BUT THEN ONE DAY HE GOT BORED OF ASKING
NOW CHARLIE DOESN’T PRAY FOR ANYTHING
HE PUTS HIS FAITH IN THE STRENGTH OF A FREE MARKET
ECONOMY
AND HONESTLY
EVERYTHING WAS EASY NOW
HE JUST DID WHAT HE WAS TOLD
EVERYTHING WAS SIMPLE NOW
HE JUST BOUGHT WHAT HE WAS SOLD
AND HE NEVER WORRIED ABOUT THE FATE OF HIS IMMORTAL SOUL
HE’D JUST BUY HIMSELF A NEW ONE WHEN HIS GOT TOO OLD
EVERY POP-UP WAS A PSALM TO HIM
EVERY COLD CALL A SERMON
EVERY CANNY PIECE OF MARKETING
ONLY SERVED TO REAFFIRM HIS SENSE OF PURPOSE
NOW AN ATTRACTIVE LADY ON THE TELEVISION WAS PREACHING ABOUT
MIS-SOLD PAYMENT PROTECTION INSURANCE
CHARLIE DILIGENTLY DIALLED THE NUMBERS ON THE SCREEN
AND AFTER A BRIEF CHAT WITH A NICE, POLITE GEORDIE
IT SEEMED HE MAY INDEED HAVE A VALID CLAIM
“HOORAY!”, CHARLIE EXCLAIMED
“PRAISE BE!”, EXCLAIMED CHARLIE
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7. |
Dog Drops Bone
04:39
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THE DOG DROPPED HER BONE
AND COLLAPSED IN THE SNOW
STILL OVER A MILE FROM HOME
HER OWNER PLEADED
BUT SHE LAY THERE, DEFEATED
AND HE DIDN’T THINK HE COULD LIFT HER ON HIS OWN
WHO WOULD EAT ALL HER TREATS WHEN SHE’D GONE?
WHO WOULD EAT ALL THE TINNED MEAT WHEN SHE’D GONE?
THESE WERE THE THOUGHTS OF THE DOG
OF COURSE, DOGS CAN’T SPEAK
SHE COULD MERELY WHIMPER
AND BREATHE
HEAVILY AS THE COLD SEEPED INTO HER BONES
HE LAY THERE WITH HER
HE FELT HER SHIVER
AND WHISPERED
“IT’S OKAY, I KNOW…”
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8. |
Beth's Recurring Dream
03:43
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HAVE YOU EVER WISHED A DREAM INTO BEING
AS REAL AS CONCRETE FLESH AND BONE
NO? I’M NOT SURPRISED
AND NEITHER WAS BETH
WHEN SHE FINALLY CAME TO REST AND CLOSED HER EYES AT NIGHT
SHE WOULD TRY WITH ALL HER MIGHT BUT WOULD REMIND HERSELF
“DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH”
SHE TOSSED PRAYERS INTO THE AIR ONLY TO WATCH THEM FALL AND SMASH
ONTO THE FAIR FEATURES OF LOVERS SHE’D INVENTED IN HER DREAMS
OF LOVERS SHE DESPERATELY LONGED TO MEET
ONE DAY
MAYBE…
BUT THESE WERE LOVERS SHE KNEW THAT SHE COULD NEVER HOPE TO MEET
IN THIS BUTTONED-DOWN SEASIDE TOWN WHICH FORCED HER TO FORCE DOWN AND HIDE HER PETRIFIED SEXUALITY
DEEP DOWN IN HER BOWLS WHERE IT COULDN’T BE SEEN
INSIDE HER SANITARY TOWELS
CONTOURED AND DISCREET
BUT STILL BETH WOULD MOAN AND HOWL IN HER SLEEP
STILL SHE WOULD STEAL FURTIVE GLANCES AT EVERY APHRODITE SHE PASSED IN THE STREET
HOW SHE WISHED ONE OF THEM WAS NEXT TO HER
HOW SHE WISHED ONE OF THEM WAS IN BED WITH HER
HOW SHE WISHED ONE OF THEM WOULD COME AND RESCUE HER
AND PUT AN END TO THIS ENDLESS LONGING
ONE DAY
MAYBE…
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9. |
Sarah Misses Them
06:55
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SARAH SLOWLY MAKES HER WAY THROUGH THE MALAISE
WADING THROUGH MOLASSES
- WALKING THROUGH TREACLE
SHE’S CAREFUL NOT TO SAY A WORD OUT OF PLACE
SHE TACITLY COMPLIES WITH EVERY NECESSARY EVIL
SHE MIRRORS THE MASSES
SHE PARROTS THE PEOPLE
FROM HALF 8 TO HALF 9 SHE WORKS ZERO HOURS
AND DOES EVERYTHING IN HER POWER TO GET HOME BEFORE 10
IN AN ATTEMPT TO CATCH THE LAST FADING RAYS EMANATING FROM THE BEAMING FACES OF HER SUNSETTING CHILDREN
MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THEY’RE ALREADY IN BED
MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, SHE MISSES THEM
BUT SOMETIMES HER ELDEST IS STILL AWAKE
SO THEY SIT AT THE KITCHEN TABLE
CARVE UP, SHARE OUT AND SAVOUR THE PALTRY REMAINS OF THE DAY
THESE MOMENTS ARE SMALL BUT RESTORE HER FAITH
IN BALANCE AND ORDER
- THE DIVINE SYSTEM OF SCALES AND WEIGHTS
WHICH DICTATE WE MUST SUBLIMATE OUR WILLS TO BE BENT BY HIGHER WHIMS
IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT, SHE WILL BE REWARDED IN THE END
WHEN SHE’S REPAID IN TIME WHICH SHE’LL SPEND
SECOND BY SECOND
MINUTE BY MINUTE
BUYING BACK LOST HOURS WITH HER CHILDREN
BUYING BACK LOST HOURS…
BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY’VE FLED THE NEST, WHAT THEN?
WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY’VE GOT NO TIME TO SPEND, WHAT THEN?
WHAT THEN?
WHAT THEN?
WHAT THEN…
WHAT THEN…
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Cassels London, UK
A two piece band comprised of two brothers.
Music for misanthropes and malcontents.
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